and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
