Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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