I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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