Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
