fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
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I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
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i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize