508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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