Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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