i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
