does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
