Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
