Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Don't make out with my wife yet
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
