Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
