I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
