Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
