i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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