It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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