were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
