Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
