I cockslap morals
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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