Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
