his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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