I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
did i just pee glitter
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
