Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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