So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
