I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
