We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
did i walk over a car last night?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
