Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
