i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
