We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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