If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
