There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
where are you?
Hypothermia
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
