I looked at my own cervix.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
