girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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