just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
