dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
