he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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