dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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