I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
