i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
