In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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