I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
