just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
