Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
