I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
