I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i came on her dog
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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