I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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