filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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