I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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