At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
