i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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