I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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