i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
