Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
