i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
