At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
