I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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