saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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