God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Ambien. No doubt about it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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