I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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